Hi humans. My name is A. House and I'm five years old. I know that doesn't sound old to you but for A. House in Poinciana Fl that's pretty old. Some nice folks gave birth to me back in January of 2002. They liked me a lot. They made me look real purdy too. I was dressed up in bright red carpet and my skin inside and out was bright pink. I guess they figured since my street name was Flamingo they would make me look like a bird. I didn't mind too much since they took excellent care of me.
I knew they loved me. They paid $149,500 for me in January of 2002 which was a lot of money for A. House, my size, back then. I remember something about them not needing any money to give birth to me. So, maybe some of that money was closing costs but I'm not sure.
Everything was going well and then all of a sudden in late 2003 they quit taking care of me. I thought they didn't love me anymore. They quit making payments and started letting my grass grow and everything. I was neglected.
Then in May of 2004 this nice lady come over and stuck a sign in my yard and was trying to get people to give my humans $129,900 for me. I guess no one wanted me because 30 days later the sign was gone and my humans moved out. I was left here all by myself. It sucked.
I was all alone for more than two years. Finally, some guy in a three piece suit adopted me. But he didn't care about me, he never even looked at me, just put me on the books and renamed me REO. My name is A. House not REO!
Here I was, all alone again, until February 2007 when this big guy came over and stuck another sign in my yard. I don't know who he was but he was sooooo good looking. He was nice too. He had all these people come over and they gave me a bath, cut my grass and made me look purdy again. I was so happy. I thought he was going to move in and take care of me but he was just trying to find me some humans to adopt me for $185,000.
Not only was the big guy sooooo good looking but he was an excellent adoption Broker too! In fact, only 19 days later, some humans came in and decided they wanted me! I was so excited! I was so tired of being alone and just wanted someone to come stay with me. It's not good for A. House to be alone.
Then a few weeks later something happened. The guy, that was sooooo good looking, came back and put his "For Sale" thingie on his sign again. Something about the sub-prime fall out. The humans, that wanted to adopt me, couldn't do it any more. I was pissed!!!
It was very frustrating. Humans kept coming over and walking all over me but nobody wanted me. I felt so inadequate and started getting a real bad inferiority complex. I think the sooooo good looking guy was getting frustrated too. He changed my price to $165,000.
Then in August, another human came over and walked all over me. He had this funny looking thing in his hand and it looked like he was punching in numbers or something. I don't know if he loved me or not but he told the sooooo good looking guy that he would adopt me for $150,000. I guess the sooooo good looking guy was tired of coming over every week and checking up on me because he said, "deal!"
Three weeks later I had a new human! He was cool too. His name was Mr. Flipper. He came in and pulled up all my bright red carpet and replaced it with all this tile stuff. It was a little cold but it was real shiny!! I was lookin' good! I was so excited. I couldn't wait for this human to move in and take care of me. No more loneliness for me!
Well, was I ever wrong, Mr. Flipper, sent another lady over and she stuck a sign in my yard this morning. At least Mr. Flipper thinks I'm worth a lot of money. He now wants $225,000 for someone to adopt me! While I'm flattered, I fear I will be lonely for a long time to come. He ain't never goin' to get someone to pay $225,000 to adopt me. All the other Houses around me only get $150,000. Why is he doing this to me? I'm A. House, I'm not a retirement fund!
Maybe this time they'll change HIS name......to Mr. Flopper! You humans suck!
Copyright © 2007 Broker Bryant Real Estate Ramblings | All Rights Reserved
Reserved Parking For "The Lovely Wife"...TLW...ROAR!
Blog Boy...
My goodness. It turned out great. When you explained it to me...
I got this feeling you were losing your mind :)
Please tell A. House that I'm sorry he/she (?) has been turned into a flip that will flop :)
TLW...ROAR!
BB; Awwwww. I loved your story relating to the history of the sales of this home. Hmm. At least the real gooood looking Broker took care of the HOUSE and did it right....This new one must not be good looking.
Too bad.
I'm so sorry, A. House. Not all humans suck. Look at the bright side, you got a makeover! Now the only thing that needs to happen is for Mr. Flopper to realize his mistake in pricing and you're bound to get a new family! I don't know how long that will take because I don't know if Mr. Flopper is smart enough to know what he needs to do when there are no showings.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!
Bryant,
Is A. the 'talking' House related to Mr. Ed the talking horse??? :^) Nice post! Thanks, Fran
You are SOOOOOOO good looking that even a house falls in love with you.... A. House no less!!
Creative post and a really creative way to get THE message about pricing out! Yikes, poor house!
Ann
I think Mr. Flipper is pricing his house to tell the world he loves it so much he wants to KEEP it NOT sell it! Yep, that's what I think!!
Ann
BB,
What a Nice House! Can I take him home:0)
Very Fun,
Tom Weiss
BB.. Love this one.. and it pretty much says it all.. of course A. House was lucky he had the big good looking guy to take care of him or he could still be sitting all alone with red carpet and pink skin..
Hey guys. Hope you liked this one!!! It came to me in a flash this afternoon. Took about 30 minutes to write and edit.
If you do a Google search for "buy a house in poinciana" or "sell a house in pionciana" this post is already #8 on the first page and #7 for "need a house in poinciana". Hows that for creative SEO?
Very funny. I wonder what my house is saying about me.....? Hmm. Scary thought.
Another great story, BB. Whatever will become of that sooooo good looking guy, I wonder?
p.s. now Kelly has me thinking that my house is trash talking me when I'm gone.
LOL...
The comments are getting funnier than the post :)
TLW...ROAR!
Mmmmm. From $150K to $225K in a falling market?? Don't know. But, let's hope it sells. A nice high comp cash buyer wouldn't hurt anyone's feelings.
Yeah, right.
Extremely well told! Kudos to you!
And give A. House my most sincere apologies for all his loneliness. I know it's hard, but if he's strong he will find someone that will love him for what he is. :)
Are their "Shelters" for "Homes" such as this?
BB,
Do you mean to tell me the house sat there as REO inventory (on the books somewhere) from May 2003 to 2007?
Loved your story and kind of feel sorry for that old broad "A".... poor gal she's got to be lonely...perhaps you should have Bertha dress up and go over and visit her,,,,,,, that would brighten anyone's spirits.
Oh and by the way could I reserve Bertha here in Kansas City for a lap dance for my wonderful husbands birth? Please forward a rate sheet. :)
Bryant,
I was crying for A.House. Thank you for ending it with a laugh. Yes Flipper or Flopper doesn't sound too bright.
BB...
You are freakishly brilliant! Who personifies a house so well?
What do you smoke in Poinciana?
BB, fun, creative and excellent post. Really like telling the overpriced tale from the house's POV. Only thing I don't understand is who the guy is who is soooo good looking.
Best, as usual...
Well, Mr. Sooooo Good Looking, maybe you can put your sign back in front of A. House once this listing expires!
I love reading your posts. You're a real crackup
To favorite broker ~
I suffer from frequent personification of inanimate objects.
I got teary-eyed reading this. I'm such a softie!
That is a GREAT story. I can't believe someone believes they could flip that house in this market. Crazies.
Poor A. House :(
This post was fun wasn't it? I wonder if I'm creative or if I just need serious mental help? Probably the latter.
Thanks everyone for stopping by and helping A. House to feel better about us humans. We DO suck you know?:)
You had me laughing all the way through this Bryant! Who knew homes cared so much for us humans - rofl
A+ for creative writing!
You know, all my cars have had names and definite personalities so I can empathize for A. House...poor lonely rambler!
I love it!! This one ought to be published!
I can't wait for a sequel! Bring it on!
ROFL! YOU have definitly chosen the wrong career BB - You should be a stand up comic!
I watch comicView and "The last Comic standing" - THEY can't hold a candle to YOU!
KEEP US LAUGHING BB- WE NEED IT in this market!